Man, I Hate Tourists

OR WHY I GROAN AT THE SIGHT OF NON-ASIAN TOURISTS

Lately I've been having a hard time relating to other tourists. Tourists mainly from Europe, a handful from Asia, and a scant few from America. Here I am, having my first face-to-face conversations with proficient English speakers in four months (not counting my 5-person expat community in Taigu) and I'm realizing that I don't have much in common with these people. Not with fellow Americans, "my" people. Not with Europeans, even though I've lived in Europe. Maybe it's that there's been a much shorter period of time between the last time they had good ice cream and the last time I did. I don't know. But even with regaining linguistic competency in my current community (which is now English), I just cannot seem to communicate. Not only that, but I'm even embarrassed to be associated with them.

Maybe a story will explain my feelings better...

So I was at a dance concert tonight. It was full traditional Indian dances and lots of rich, white, Europeans tourists. How do I know they're rich? Well, they're traveling in large groups, are all over the age of 50, are all Caucasian, all wear outfits that look put together based on style (not lack-of-cleanliness desperation), and all have high-end digital cameras in their hands. And, they smell nice.

Immediately after the curtains open, a flash goes off from one of their cameras. As soon as this flash occurs without complaint, everyone begins to think that using their flash would be a good idea. You would have thought we were at these people's children's first kindergarten play. People would stand up, flash, sit down, pause...and then repeat the whole process again. Way to ruin the stage lighting for the rest of us. And so much for ambiance. The kicker is that the flash didn't help out any of pictures they were taking, because they were too far away from the stage for it to light the dancers. Instead, their pictures with flash probably made the stage look dark and the stuff near them (i.e. the backs of heads and seats) would show up very clearly. As I sat there, grinning and bearing it through the flash-fest, I just imagined this internal conversation going on in each one of their heads:

"I'll take a picture."
"But it's dark in this auditorium. Let's use flash."
(takes picture)
"Humph. Not the best picture in the world."
"Let's take another (with flash)."

Wow. Am I proud to be a Westerner. Insensitive, selfish, overflowing with money (have I mentioned that even people in Asia, some of who could get dinner for a USA $1.50 if they tried hard enough, think my salary is low), and stupid. Wow.

When it comes right down to it, the only tourists I've gravitated towards while traveling in India are Asian (or Asian-descended) ones. Why? Because they are the only people I've met that can actually handle India, and enjoy it for all that it offers: relaxation and chaos.

Let me pause right here and say that all the Shansi fellows I've had the pleasure of meeting -- all of whom are American or have spent much of their lives in America -- have been GREAT to travel with. Let me repeat: SHANSI FELLOWS ARE NOT STUPID ABOUT LIVING IN ASIA. Good to know our fellowship is paying off, right?

So back to the problem at hand: Westerners sucking at an Asian lifestyle. I'm defining an "Asian lifestyle" for the purposes of this post as the negative parts of this continent that do not exist, or we Westerners just ignore, hide, or cover up in the West, such as pollution, trash, human waste disposal, homeless animals, "unordered" traffic, unsanitary eating conditions, undrinkable water, obvious poverty, etc, all of which I have found somewhere in China and India. Maybe I didn't convince you with my first example. Maybe you thought, hey, rich people everywhere can be insensitive. Why do you have to hate on my countrymen over one group of rich tourists, Ray?

Well let me give another incident I've witnessed here.

I met a guy at my ashram in Rishikesh. A know-it-all American, the kind that could only be produced in a highly individual-centered society. He gets "hit" by a rickshaw. As in, he was grazed by the mirror of a rickshaw as it drove past him. He used this incident to generalize negatively about all Indian rickshaw drivers. Other Westerners (two nice people from different parts the of British Commonwealth) staying at the ashram used this incident as a reason to not leave the ashram because it was "too stressful to take a walk outside". Now here's what I bet actually happened. I wasn't there, so this is all speculative, but it seems more probable than the conclusion that "rickshaw drivers try to run over their clients". I bet this American was walking in the middle of the road, not playing attention to traffic, saw this moving vehicle getting too close to him, flinched trying to get out of the way, and flinched into this rickshaw. (I've seen this guy walk around, and this seems like a good, probable description.) Yes, I blame the whole accident on him. I've been living in Asia for 5 months now and dealing with traffic is scary. Luckily Chinese traffic is similar to India. Here is what I've learned.

1. Cars will enter your personal space bubble. They will get within inches of you most of the time you share space with them. Relax, this is normal.

2. Traffic will look like it is a constant series of near-misses and cars that do not follow "standard" driving rules, like lines on the road or traffic lights. Don't worry, people don't tend to get into accidents, even though it always looks like they will (except when they do get into accidents).

3. Moving traffic can be thought of as a partner dance, with leaders and followers. To lead, slowly indicate in some way what you plan on doing next (like turning right, driving in the wrong lane, stoping randomly, narrowly passing other cars). To follow, pay attention to these signals.

4. NEVER flinch, act quickly, or dash anywhere around traffic. You will get hit...basically by trying to save yourself. You get hit because of rule # 1 and # 3. Cars are very close and they need a moment to react to you, so give it to them.

In America we have rules. Pedestrians can do almost anything they want, as long as they know what the rules are and expect drivers to follow them. Pedestrians are also respected in the US. In India and China I walk as far off to the side as possible. I try to never stop, even when rickshaws and motorbikes get close, so my movement will be predictable to them. I walk slow and steady. Sometimes I hold people's hands to cross the road, and I've never, ever been hit.

Americans and Europeans are dumb here. They cannot help it. They don't really know what to do to stay safe, not get sick, not get bothered on the street. With their privileged, Western ways, they have no Asian street smarts. But me and people living in Asia...we know what's up. We know when to move, we know what to eat. We know how to look beyond burning trash and cow shit (not to mention the holy, roving cows themselves), to see the beauty and the awesomeness of India. Where Westerners say "STRESSFUL!", we say "oh, another day in the life...". Well, at least that's what I say.

And Asians miss the best things too. My Korean friend and I were sitting in a cafe, having a break from ashram and Indian life, from things like tea heavily spiced with milk and sugar and very cold drinking water. He orders a glass of piping hot, freshly boiled water. And I think "Hmmm, that reminds me China." I sigh and smile at the thought.